


Inherited memories

by Flower___Lady



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, But nothing too explicit or smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Friendship, Hints of AruAni, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Shingeki no Kyojin Chapter 127: End's Eve Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flower___Lady/pseuds/Flower___Lady
Summary: Maybe Reiner was right when he blamed himself for Marco's death, and he really deserved to be hit by Jean, who was Marco's best friend. But if Reiner is guilty, then also Armin is: he has eaten Bertolt. And from Bertolt's memories, that Armin has inherited together with the power of the Colossal Titan, Armin has found out that for Reiner Bertolt was much more than just his best friend…
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Comments: 15
Kudos: 125





	Inherited memories

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place during chapter 127 of the manga ( _End's Eve_ ), precisely right after the moment when Jean, upset because Reiner had told him that Marco's death was his (Reiner's, I mean) fault, hit Reiner, and then run off into the woods. Jean finding out the truth about his best friend's death had me wonder about Reiner's reaction to the story of how his own best friend - aka Bertolt - had died, and about Armin's feelings towards the whole matter…
> 
> PS: English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any possible mistake.

Just like Jean has done a couple of minutes before, also Reiner hastily stands up and limps off in the woods, ignoring Gabi calling him and Jean back, begging them to return to the campfire.

Armin has watched the exchange between Jean and Reiner feeling a tidal wave of nausea rising into his stomach, and the taste of bile filling his mouth. Although he has helped Connie to pull away Jean from Reiner's throat, he felt that he had no right at all to intervene. Actually, he has been surprised that Reiner had not attacked _him_ , when Yelena told everybody that Armin is the Colossal Titan, now…

After Reiner has disappeared among the dark shadows of the trees, Armin remains in his place for a while, looking at the flames of the campfire… Then he too rises to his feet. He’s about to head in the direction Reiner has just walked off to, when somebody grabs him by the arm and holds him back. Armin turns around and sees that it's Annie.

«Armin, don’t go», she says straightforwardly, tightening her grasp on Armin's elbow. «It's useless.»

Armin gently takes Annie’s hand off his arm. «Annie, I _have_ to talk to him», he says, then he marches off into the woods.

It doesn’t take long for him to find Reiner: he is just a couple of minutes away from the campfire. He is standing in the middle of a clearing with his back turned, little spirals of steam rising from his already-healing wounds. When Armin walks into the clearing, Reiner immediately turns around to look at him with an empty stare.

Feeling a knot forming into his throat, Armin stops few steps away from Reiner. Underneath some purple bruises, Reiner's face has a very sick shade of grey, but it does not show any expression. Armin himself, instead, is shaking badly, and a bead of cold sweat rolls down his brow. He only half realizes that his hands ball up into fists and his shoulders get tense.

«If you want to finish what Jean has started and punch me until I pass out, please, go ahead. You have every right to do it. I know that you and Marco used to be close», Reiner unemotionally says.

Armin shakes his head, but his nails dig deeper into the sweaty palms of his trembling hands. «No, Reiner, actually… I need to talk to you… I mean…», he stammers, then he stops because words die in his throat. He tries to swallow, but it feels like his mouth is full of sand. «I know _exactly_ how are you feeling right now, because I am as guilty as you!», he finally manages to exclaim.

Reiner does not react, so Armin goes on: «Don’t you know how much has the thought that I had eaten Bertolt haunted me, since the day I inherited his titan?!»

Again Reiner’s face remains emotionless. He stays silent for some time, then he simply states: «Yelena's right: we are monsters. We all have someone’s blood on our hands.»

That’s the whole point of it: the blood on Armin’s hands is not simply _someone’s_.

It’s Bertolt’s. _Bertolt's_.

And Reiner’s calm reaction to such news actually puzzles and worries Armin. He tentatively takes a few steps towards Reiner and opens his mouth to tell him that he’s very sorry…

But Reiner suddenly bursts out in an unsettling, bitter laugh. «You know, when I woke up this afternoon and the first person I saw was Annie… For a couple of seconds, I let myself hope that Bertolt was there too. But I soon realized that I could never be so lucky», he says, still grinning disturbingly. «However… I would have never figured out that among all the Survey Corps, _you_ , the little Armin Arlert, the one who had always struggled to not be left behind during training drills, would have been the one who got the _Colossal Titan_ », Reiner continues, shaking his head in a mockingly-dramatic gesture of disbelief. Then he turns around, giving again his back to Armin.

Armin thinks that he would have preferred Reiner to punch him, instead of answering in this disturbing way. He slowly reaches Reiner and stops by his side. He wants to tell him that he had not asked to be saved, that Erwin Smith should have been in his place, and actually, had it been for Armin himself, he would have never accepted to receive the serum nor the power of the Colossal Titan, that this power scares him, and that the burden of being the indirect cause of the deaths of both Commander Erwin and Bertolt – who was an enemy, sure, but had also been his friend at some point – often feels too heavy for him to carry…

But Armin knows that all these words and apologies would sound empty and meaningless to Reiner’s ears, just as they sound empty and meaningless to himself. So he simply says: «I am sorry, Reiner. I _really_ am.»

Reiner shrugs and replies bitterly: «Don’t be. At least you were a mindless titan when you ate Bertolt. I was very much in my mind when I let Marco die, instead. Rather, maybe not so much in my _own_ mind, more probably in the mind of one of my many twisted personalities… But you know what I mean. And I was in my mind also when I opened the breach in Wall Maria. And when I tried to-» Reiner’s voice breaks. «I am the one who is sorry, but I know that my actions are unforgivable», he says weakly, covering his eyes with his hand.

«Reiner, it’s not your fault!», Armin exclaims, then he lifts his hand and places it on Reiner’s arm, gently but firmly pulling Reiner’s hand away from his face. «You thought you were on the right side, and simply followed orders you had been taught to never question. I don’t blame you for this, and neither you should blame yourself!», he continues.

Reiner brusquely frees his arm from Armin's grip, then he shakes his head and retorts: «Oh, but Jean _does_ , and I think he is not the only one, isn’t he?»

Now it’s Armin’s turn to shake his head. «Jean struggles to see the circumstances from your point of view.»

«And _you_ can do it, instead?», Reiner asks again, in a sarcastic tone. «I know you are kind of a brainiac, but this seems a bit of a stretch even for you.»

Armin sighs. «I can do it because… I have seen some of Bertolt’s memories», he mumbles.

Reiner turns to look at him, his face suddenly showing a genuine glimpse of surprise. «Have you? Really?», he asks.

Armin nods.

«That’s… I mean, I know it happens, but…», Reiner mutters. «Since getting the Armoured Titan, I have seen indeed some flashes here and there, but they were so brief, and I never knew who those memories belonged to…»

Armin shrugs. «I have not understood yet how memories inheritance works. But I am _sure_ that the memories I saw were Bertolt’s.»

«What have you seen?»

«I have seen some scenes from Bertolt’s childhood in Liberio – like his home, his father, some of the Warriors’ training. Most of all, I have witnessed the way Marleyan people treated you Eldians. It was _horrible_ , but… I have realized that for Bertolt – and for almost all the other Eldians, too – it was perfectly normal», Armin explains. «That’s why I _really_ understand you.»

Reiner is still looking at Armin with his eyes open wide. «What else have you seen, Armin?»

«Well… I…», Armin stammers. He clears his voice and continues: «I have seen Zeke, Marcel, and Annie. Lots of Annie, actually», he adds, blushing a little.

Reiner gives him a little half-smile. «Yeah, Bertl had a rather soft spot for Annie», he says. Then, turning to look at the ground, he asks: «Have you seen… _Me_ , too?»

Armin feels again a knot forming into his throat. He briefly considers replying Reiner that no, he has not seen him in Bertolt’s memories, or maybe only that he had appeared here and there just like Zeke and Marcel and Annie and the other Warriors, so nothing special at all… But Armin realizes that Reiner deserves to hear the truth.

«Yes, I saw you, too», he tells Reiner.

«What…», Reiner stumbles, still looking at the ground. «What have you seen?»

Armin exhales loudly. Usually he tries to stop his mind from replaying in his head Bertolt’s memories involving Reiner because he feels like he’s intruding into something that private was and so should remain, but Reiner’s direct question cannot help but having him relive the stream of reminiscences.

Since right after the battle of Shiganshina Eren had managed to unlock the memories of both Grisha and Eren Kruger, Armin knew that he too could have unexpectedly seen the memories of the previous inheritors of the Colossal Titan. So, when he got the first glimpses of Bertolt’s past, he was ready to face it.

At the beginning, as he has just told Reiner, there were mostly simple, almost _domestic_ scenes from the Warriors’ training, or from the 104th Training Corps days, so the constant presence of Reiner and Annie in Bertolt’s memories did not felt weird at all for Armin. But slowly, Reiner started to appear more and more often in Armin’s visions: a little Reiner crying because Porco Galliard had been mean to him and Bertolt comforting him, Reiner and Bertolt as teens swimming in a creek and laughing, Reiner celebrating that he had finally managed to beat Bertolt at chess without realizing that Bertolt had actually let him win…

For some kind of reason Armin had not totally grasped back then, he knew that those memories were pretty similar to his own about his childhood and adolescence days with Eren and Mikasa, but at the same time he felt that they were also _different_. But in what way different, Armin did not figure out…

Until here and there, among the usual scenes of training drills and Marleyan authorities’ abuses, a new kind of memories had started to show up. Memories that felt so warm, so cherished, so _intimate_ : the sound of Reiner snoring next to Bertolt, the comfortable weight of Reiner’s arm around Bertolt’s shoulders, the feeling of Reiner’s hand intertwined with Bertolt’s hand. Those reminiscences were just short, little flashes, but Armin has always been too much a good observer to not understand how things between Reiner and Bertolt actually had been.

When he had realized that Reiner and Bertolt were actually much more than best friends, he also experienced the most vivid of Bertolt’s memories about Reiner. It happened when Hange was leading her umpteenth experiment on the Colossal Titan, and Armin was trying to focus on how to regulate its steam emission. «You’re doing great!», Hange had yelled at him from the top of Wall Maria, and that particular phrase triggered the unfolding of Bertolt’s memory in front of Armin’s eyes. _«You’re doing great, Bertl»_. It was unmistakably Reiner’s voice, but the low, urgent tone sounded new and unexpected for Armin’s ears. Like new and unexpected was the hot, glowing sensation he suddenly felt into his body. Only, it was not _his_ body, but Bertolt’s: they were Bertolt’s hands that were digging into Reiner’s shoulders, and Bertolt’s lips that were on Reiner’s neck, and Bertolt’s hips that were moving in unison with Reiner’s hips… At that point Armin completely lost control of his titan, and Eren’s titan had to bite him out of the nape of the Colossal amidst a sudden steam explosion.

So Armin cannot help but turning crimson red and looking down at the ground, before replying to Reiner. «Just few glimpses, actually… But yet it seemed too much», he mutters scratching his head.

Reiner laughs again, but this time it’s not a maniac laugh. It actually sounds half sad and half amused. «See? Another good reason for not wanting to pass down the Armoured Titan to Gabi. Maybe she would not get my memories anyway, but just in case… Witnessing her own beloved cousin giving blowjobs to the poor Mr. Hoover's late son would be pretty traumatic for the sweet little girl», he says. «Well, maybe it has been traumatic also for _you_ », he adds, turning to look at Armin.

«Oh, but I haven't seen any blowjob!», Armin chimes in, blushing even more.

«Not _yet._ »

Still flushed, Armin lets out a nervous giggle. Then he clears his voice and says: «Truth is, I believe that I will never see anything more than what I have seen so far. I think that it is Bertolt himself who is trying to keep your private stuff away from my consciousne-»

Reiner interrupts him: «Classic Bertolt: always trying to protect me, even from the grave.»

«So no one knew about the two of you?», Armin asks, taken aback.

Reiner shakes his head. «No one, except Annie, probably. I used to worry a lot that _you_ would figure everything out, with this over-active imagination of yours», he says, gently patting Armin on the head, «but Bertl did a pretty good job in tricking you into believing he had a crush on Annie. But now you too know the truth, so…», he sighs. «Have you told anyone?»

Now it’s Armin turn to shake his head. Although Hange had ordered him to write reports on reports about every little detail of his visions in case they contained useful information about Marley, Armin had felt that Bertolt’s relationship with Reiner should have remained private. So: «No, no one», he replies.

«Thank you», says Reiner gratefully, his voice slightly breaking. A single, small tear rolls down his cheek. He quickly dries it, and adds with a little, weak smirk: «And sorry for being the main character of your pornographic nightmares.»

Armin too softly chuckles. Then, pondering carefully his words, he says slowly: «As I said, Reiner, so far I have not seen anything so _nightmarish_. I mean, those memories were weird as hell, _obviously_ , but actually they were also so… Sweet, and caring, and full of… _Love_ … That more than once they have been a glimpse of hope in times of despair.»

«Hope?», asks Reiner puzzled.

«Yes. Hope that, even if we are half monsters with blood on our hands, and the world outside the Walls is nothing like what I had imagined it to be… There are still things worth living, and _fighting_ for. Love, for example», explains Armin, turning to look directly at Reiner. «And Bertolt _really_ loved you, Reiner. That’s why I am _so_ sorry for having taken his life away.»

Reiner places his hand on Armin’s shoulder. «Thank you for telling me these things, Armin. I loved Bertolt too, more than life itself, you know, and since he is gone I have been feeling _useless_ », he says, gently squeezing Armin’s shoulder. «But-»

Reiner is interrupted by a sudden noise of footsteps coming from somewhere in the woods surrounding them. Both Armin and Reiner turn in surprise to the direction the noise is coming from…

«Armin! Armin!», Annie’s voice calls, and few moments later Annie appears at the edge of the clearing. She makes a little smile when she sees Armin, but she stops dead in her tracks, her eyes widening and her jaw slightly tightening, when she notices that also Reiner is there, and that he has his hand on Armin’s shoulder. «Is everything okay here?», she asks, giving Reiner a pretty aggressive stare.

Feeling that his cheeks are turning red, Armin quickly replies: «Yes, we were just talking. Thank you for your concern, Annie.»

«Good», she replies bluntly, turning on her heels. «But now let’s go back to the campfire», she orders, heading back in the direction she has come from.

«Sure», says Armin, trying to follow her, but Reiner’s hand is still on his shoulder and keeps him in place. Armin turns around to look at Reiner once more.

«But you are right: there _are_ still things that are worth living, and fighting for. Love, for example. And you really deserve it, Armin», Reiner says, indicating Annie with a little tilt of his head.

Blushing again, Armin simply nods. After another squeeze on his shoulder, Reiner lets him go, and walking side by side, they follow Annie into the woods. It’s only when the light from the campfire appears into view that Armin speaks again: «Maybe it’s not the same as love, but… Also friendship is worth living for. And I will be so honored to call you again my friend, Reiner.»

Reiner does not answer, but he simply smiles. It's a weak, tired smile, but the first genuine smile Armin has seen him do after meeting him again…

Out of the blue another one of Bertolt's memories flashes in front of Armin's eyes: he sees Reiner once more, this time as a six or seven years old child with a toothy grin (not so _toothy_ , actually, since he's missing both his upper incisors) plastered on his face. He is shaking his – well, _Bertolt's_ – hand, and saying: «Nice to meet you, Bertolt Hoover, my name is Reiner Braun and I am sure we will be friends. Can I call you Bertl?»

Just as abruptly as it has started, the vision ends, even if it leaves a small, lingering sensation of joy into Armin's chest. 

«Are you okay, Mr. Arlert?», Falco kindly asks, and Armin realizes that he has stopped dead in his tracks a few steps away from the campfire, while Reiner and Annie are already sitting around it.

Armin nods and quickly joins the others. Thinking about what Reiner has just told him back in the clearing, he sits down next to Annie and shyly smiles at her. Then he turns to look at Reiner, who is staring into the dying fire while holding Gabi's hand.

 _Thank you, Bertl, for having shown me your memories_ , Armin thinks. _And d_ _on't worry: I'll take care of Reiner for you._

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know your opinion on this story, please: KUDOS AND COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS SINCERELY APPRECIATED!


End file.
